It has been a while since I posted. Part of it was because life has been crazy and part is I had a lot going on and I haven't been sure how or if I should post. I am saying goodbye to 2012 and filling in blog land on my absence. I have two children, 19 months apart. My little boy is 2 1/2 years old and is nonverbal. In August we began the process of Early Intervention. After initial testing he was a 13 month old in terms of communication. He also qualified for occupational therapy because of his fine motor skills. We began in home therapy once a week with both speech and OT. In November we had our meeting with our local school system to see about continued service once he turns 3 in April. We discovered he will probably qualify for the Special Ed Preschool and that testing process has begun. Here is where I get emotional. My son is perfect and nothing will cause me to feel differently. God made him the way he is and gave him to my husband and myself for a reason. The problem is I am a teacher and I know what happens in Special Ed. I see first hand the problems the children, parents, and regular ed teachers face.
In fact this year (also in God's plan to help my journey) I have a little boy that came from the Special Ed Preschool in my district (not the same as where my son will go). Without giving out to much detail just know this year has been a fight and a struggle for me. His mother is wonderful and an inspiration to me. The fighting to get what he needs scares me because I know someday I will be on the other side of the table. Starting Thursday I will add another Special Ed child with similar circumstances. Both boys will share an aid throughout the day. All the meetings, conferences, and daily dilemmas have worn me out, even made me consider a change in careers. This years class also has two children with ADHD, speech and language delays, ODD, custody issues, and I could go on and on.
I realize this is becoming the new norm, and my son will be a part of that. I have been so many places emotionally this year. I have felt guilt, like maybe I caused something to be wrong with Carter. I have felt sadness, because I am not sure I am being the mother I should be to him. I have been worried that I am focusing to much on him and my daughter will suffer for it. I have been angry that children don't always get what is best for them in the classroom, no matter how hard the teacher tries. I have been scared about the future. I have been happy and over joyed at the accomplishments he has made this year. I have selfishly thanked God every time my daughter has hit a milestone on time or even early. 2012 has strained me beyond belief. I feel exhausted.
I come into 2013 optimistic. I know I am a good mother and a good teacher. I know I do the best for both my children. I know I do the best for the students in my classroom. I will not let the politics involved in running schools change my feelings on the job I do and love. I decided that I could not leave teaching. I have felt a calling toward special ed this year. I don't think I want to teach it, I just want to understand it better and do a better job in my classroom. I am considering getting my EdS in Special Education. It is expensive and we don't really have the extra money. It is needed for Lil' Man. So blog land here is where I need your help. Does anyone know a way, grant money, or anything else short of selling an organ know where I can get great financial assistance? This may be a dream that has to wait but it is worth looking into.
As far as Lil' Man goes we have found this great program called Tap To Talk. I am able to design photo albums (board maker only virtual) and put them on my phone, iPad, or even better his brand new Nabi 2 tablet we got him yesterday. I love this tablet specifically designed for children. If you haven't seen or heard about either Tap To Talk or Nabi you should check them out right now. I am not being paid or bribed for this in anyway. I am giving an honest opinion from a mother and a teacher. On January 14 we will take Lil' Man in to see his regular doctor. They are going to refer us to a behaviorist. We will be driving for appointments 1 1/2 hours away. I am fairly certain we are on our way to a diagnoses of Autism Spectrum, but I am not a doctor so I will wait and see. God gave me these two children to love and take care of. I feel honored he choose me to guard these two precious angels, to help them succeed in life, and to love them unconditionally. I am sorry for the absence in posting, and for this long winded, overly emotional, to much information post. I had a lot on my mind and I needed a place to say it. If you stuck with me thanks for reading.
3 comments:
Markeeta thanks for sharing your story. It is so easy to forget the moms behind the kids when they are in our class. I has a boy my first year in kindergarten who I knew was on the autistic spectrum and so did his mom. But it wasn't diagnosed until this past year in 4 th grade. I was so grateful to his mom for being understanding and patient with me. I couldn't imagine being in her shoes. But I came to believe God gives us the kids we need and the kids that need us. Thanks for sharing! You are a wonderful mom and teacher!
Thanks for sharing your heart Markeeta. It's not always easy. All I can say is keep your faith strong. Answers will come and as stressful as it might be right now, you are Carter's only voice. I have a very proactive mother this year who is on top of her game. She knows her rights and the rights of her twin boys. They are both on the Autistic spectrum as well (have yet to be fully diagnosed) and I have both in my room. Sometimes I want to pull my hair out, but I don't. I just take a step back, breath, and try to work them from another angle. I can also look at them though and see how far they have come. It may not be as quickly or as far as other students, but they really have done well. It will come for Carter as well and I will be praying for you. As cliche as it is, remember, God never gives us any more than we can handle. He knows what we are capable of and how much fight is in us.
Laura
Kinder Kraziness
Thanks Kerri and Laura for your support and encouragement. This has certainly given me a whole new prospective in the classroom. I hope to continue to share things about Carter to help others see things from both sides of the coin. That is why I finally decided to share our story. I know teachers out there that get so frustrated with parents, and now I see why parents just don't understand "there are other children to consider". We are all working for the same thing, we just don't always understand each other.
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